The Emotional Realities of a C-Section
April is Caesarean Awareness Month, a time to start important conversations about C-section births across all kinds of family journeys, from IVF and surrogacy to same-sex families and beyond. One topic that often goes unspoken is emotions, leaving many new parents unsure whether they are feeling the right way. The truth is that there is not one way to feel, and whatever emotions you experience are completely valid. Let's take a closer look at some of the emotional realities associated with C-section birth.
Holding More Than One Feeling at Once
When having a C-section, some people feel multiple emotions at once, positive and negative. This can be true for many different journeys into parenthood, including those involving fertility treatment, such as IVF. When getting fertility treatment, the journey can be full of emotions from hope and excitement to disappointment and grief. These emotions can continue through to birth. Expectant parents might feel anxious and uncertain, but also grateful and joyful at the same time.
Relief and Gratitude
For many parents, having a C-section can create an overwhelming sense of gratitude, particularly when medically necessary. For example, if labour is not progressing or there are concerns about the baby's wellbeing, a safe delivery can feel like a weight has been lifted. The NHS has detailed guidance on what to expect during a caesarean section, which many parents find reassuring to read in advance. For new parents, finally feeling skin-to-skin contact can also be very soothing after the stress of labour. For those who have had a long journey to parenthood, whether through IVF, fertility treatment or surrogacy, holding their baby can be a feeling like no other.
Pride and Empowerment
Choosing to have a C-section is an empowering choice. There are several reasons someone might choose to have one, such as personal preference, previous birth experiences, if they are anxious about giving birth, or want control over the timing. Some surrogacy births involve elective (planned) C-sections to ensure the intended parents can be there to witness the birth of their child. Having a clear plan and knowing what to expect can make the experience feel calmer and more manageable. NICE guidelines on caesarean birth outline when and how planned C-sections are carried out in the UK.
Loss of a Birthing Plan and Feeling Out of Control
Some expectant parents spend a long time planning what they want their birth to look like. When an unexpected C-section replaces their plan, they may feel a sense of loss, even when they know it was the best decision. This does not mean you are ungrateful; it just means your birth plan meant a lot to you.
When a C-section is an emergency, that sense of loss can be intense. Things can move quickly, with little time to process what is happening. Emotions can range from confusion and fear to shock and detachment. This is a completely understandable response to a high-pressure situation. In some cases, talking to someone you trust, whether a partner, friend, or professional, can help you begin to make sense of your experience in your own time. Mind has helpful resources on perinatal mental health for anyone who is struggling after birth.
The Importance of Inclusive Care
The care and respect people receive from healthcare professionals can also shape their birthing experience. Assumptions from professionals can be frustrating in an already stressful situation. For example, in surrogacy and same-sex couples, if non-birthing parents are treated like visitors or not communicated with, it can add extra stress. Inclusivity in hospitals is important to avoid this. Stonewall offers guidance on parenting rights for LGBTQ+ families which can be a useful resource when navigating healthcare settings.
Including Recovery in the Journey
Recovery from a C-section can take a while, physically and emotionally, and is a very personal experience. It can create a range of emotions, from joy and love to exhaustion and anxiety. However you feel is completely valid. If someone had a difficult birthing experience, the emotions surrounding this may continue into postpartum. Talking to someone you trust can help you navigate these emotions better, and you are not alone.
Some people also struggle to accept their new body and the scar left from the surgery. Remember, your body is remarkable; whether your path to parenthood was straightforward or long and complex, it has delivered a baby, and that is amazing. Healing takes time and can involve soreness and fatigue, but make sure to rest where possible. Asking family members to help with certain tasks can be helpful during the postpartum period. The Royal College of Midwives and your midwifery team are also there to support you through recovery.
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